What I learned about happiness in Austin
During my last week in Austin I realized I was happier than I’ve been in a while. I wasn’t just getting by, but energetic and excited to move through the day.
The thing is, not much was different. So I examined myself and surfaced some answers for this mysterious mood shift.
Clarifying “Happiness”
To me, happiness isn’t simply a non-depressed status quo, but an emotional buoyancy.
I normally experience happiness as momentary occasions, usually when particularly grateful or when struck by the touchy-feely aspects of nature or humanity. For the period I’m describing, my happiness was sustained throughout most of the day, which to me is amazing.
The Support Team
I started with the usual factors, those 5 out of 5 self-help doctors recommend. While I don’t believe they were direct causes, I’m certain they helped.
Exercise: I maintained a simple but regular exercise routine.
Nutrition: Most meals at home limited junk food and emphasized proteins, fruits, and vegetables.
Social interaction: I had an old friend in Austin. We hung out regularly and she included me in social events. However, I was alone during my peak happiness and hadn’t socialized in days.
Living Alone: My Airbnb host/roommate went on a trip during this last week, leaving me with the place to myself, which I love.
Material Comforts: My accommodations had a comfortable bed, good places to work, fancy appliances, and every smart home device on the market. I didn’t want for anything.
Location: Austin has plenty to offer, including decent weather in January. Not offered: Ice cream scoops under $7.
I say these weren’t primary influences because I’ve had all of them before and been miserable. Also, the biggest differences came from subtle shifts in perception.
Reanalyzing Anxiety
Most people, myself included, aren’t willing to admit they have normal anxiety, fearing they’ll become a Woody Allen persona.
For whatever reason, I adopted a different perspective. I started treating anxiety like hunger or fatigue, acknowledging it as a signal to fix whatever was bothering me.
Most of the time I figured what it was. When restless I went for a walk. If I knew I was procrastinating I’d get to work. When overwhelmed I took a break. And so on.
It’s remarkably easy and cathartic to pay attention and respond this way. It created a flow of accomplishment and ease. I found myself thankful for my anxieties, respecting them as friendly reminders to address what was preventing me from enjoying myself.
Breaking Good Habits
For well over a year I’d been tracking my habits to ensure I would exercise, practice a foreign language, learn software skills and write every day, among other daily activities I’d like to perform or avoid. These could build a morning routine that might take hours.
Even though these productive habits satisfied important values, they could feel like procrastination, and completing the gauntlet made it hard to start meaningful work afterward.
One day in Austin I had a bike accident and badly scraped my palms. I couldn’t perform my typical exercises, and I benched them until I healed. My routine toppled as a result.
It changed to reading the news while eating breakfast, then immediately launching into work. I’d complete an important task and naturally move to other priorities. This felt great, even though I was shunning my long-established habits.
The trouble with routines is they create a sense of dread when broken. By destroying my “productive” schedule I felt way better. And I wasn’t lazily dodging my good habits. I merely set them aside and addressed other priorities.
I’m comfortable with this, knowing I’ll revisit my daily habits and reincorporate what’s most important when the time is right.
Abandoning Goals
Well, it’s taken me nearly 30 years, but I realized I have a poor relationship with goals.
I consider rewards and accolades nice but near meaningless: See The Grammys. I’ve never been convinced popularity or commercial success signify quality. Money doesn't drive me. High aspirations can motivate me, but not sustainably so. Admittedly, this comes from my nihilistic tendencies.
Goals start off inspiring, then dissolve into insignificance. Sometimes become more crippling than motivational: If I’m not convinced I’ll get the desired outcome then I don’t see a point in doing the work.
I know that sounds bad (Why do you think it’s taken me so long to figure this out?), but it doesn’t mean I’m unwilling to work. Rather, I discovered I'm motivated by finishing the job and doing it well, results be damned.
This doesn’t mean I’m unsusceptible to feedback. If my work performs well or poorly I can constructively learn from that, but I resist basing my satisfaction on such metrics.
Still, I acknowledge that goals can bring clarity and provide a true north for long-term efforts. It’s good to think about achievements, but worth shouldn’t necessarily depend on their accomplishment. Because as any adult can tell you, outcomes are rarely what we predict they’ll be.
Acceptance
Along with the bike accident I also had a scooter accident that worsened my injuries. Both happened while riding carefully and responsibly.
Then I missed my flight to D.C. I could have made it if I'd had better information, but it was my fault for cutting my time so close. The punishment was $88 for a replacement flight and a lost day on an already short trip, nothing disastrous.
After briefly wallowing in self-pity and arranging the makeup flight I entered a relaxed and accepting state. I serenely felt like an audience member to my life, without any illusion of control.
My friend was able to accommodate me for the night. After arriving at her place I took a long nap. When I awoke I saw that I’d received two emails from my parents. They informed me a longtime family friend had died after a two-year battle with ALS.
I knew he’d been struggling with the disease for a while and the time had come, undeserving as it was. This unfortunate news only deepened my already altered state. I spent the rest of the day in the aftermath of death that somehow makes life darker yet more precious.
Things are going to go wrong. We’re lucky if we get to improve our situation or learn from our mistakes. The rest is enjoying the show.
